Wunderground HQ has relocated to Ibiza this summer, in an attempt to fully immerse itself in the Balearic clubbing culture that provides the website with such glorious headlines on a weekly basis.
Wunderground is reportedly confident that the island is in dire need of another media outlet focusing its energy on the party scene, in case there were a few clubbing fans left unsure of what the back of Carola's head looks like against an Amnesia terrace backdrop (a bit penis-y, actually) or just how much horse tranq San An workers are feeding the seagulls these days.
"In Ibiza, many holidaymakers are ruled by the sun's out gun's out school of thought, plugging the key manifesto, 'let's go f**king' mental'," explains a Wunderground representative. "Their antics are of course our bread and butter." The team is reportedly praying for a great August full of guidos in speedos, british lager-louts and VIP-types with sparkling jewellery and rotten hearts. "This year there are also more Americans on the island than ever, so we're hoping increased website hits from 'Murica lolz' will sort us a new villa by September."
Wunderground reveals that the relocation was part of a plan for writers to immerse themselves in the Ibiza experience in an ironic fashion, allowing them to write with the most cutting edge and relevant satire possible, but it appears the team may have already immersed itself one cucumber based g&t cocktail too far, going beyond the point of irony and deep into #stunningIbizasunset territory. We're pretty sure the hipster beard trend started as an ironic thing, so...
Sure enough, somewhere along the line the Wunderground troops forgot to participate in the season ironically and accidentally ended up just like the rest of us, hosting ONE OF IBIZA'S NUMBA WAN BOAT PARTIES and vying for tourists' attention with unique phrases like 'not to be missed' and '!!!'. Wunderground has collaborated with Ibiza boat party stalwarts Cirque de la Nuit to create the party voyage called 'Ship Happens', opting for a pun-based advertising campaign, because language play is apparently the antswer. Spotlight welcomes Wunderground to the Ibiza rat race, and looks forward to reading their forthcoming listicles on 'The Other Side of Ibiza'.
But there's a classic case of the boy who cried wolf, and Wunderground fans are having trouble taking anything the website publishes seriously. "No guys, this is 100% for real. We're throwing really great parties on a boat every week, don't miss out," Wunderground asserts. "Sure, we believe you," responds sarcastic internet at large, a monster of Wunderground's own creation.
On a side note...
There has been talk that the Wunderground team is in some danger, with an emotionally bruised David Guetta (the unhappy butt of many a Wunderground headline crack) rumoured to be taking serious action against the 'defamatory' website, even more serious than when he called Wunderground a fugly whore in his Burn Book.
Wunderground released official statement, "da f**k??", this week, after receiving a flaming paper bag full of horse plop on their doorstep with the FMIF logo stamped on it. Still fuming over horse-in-club-gate, animal rights activists are up in arms at Guetta once more, their case slightly more flimsy this time as they blog furiously on the injustice of allowing an animal to take a dump. Wunderground, most amused, consider the attack as evidence of Guetta's growing understanding of the meaning of self-parody, and are unalarmed, if not relieved. Guetta refused to comment specifically on the matter, but has released a general statement:
"I am a golden god."
Wunderground responds, "That's the spirit".
View this feature in the weekly Spotlight Magazine, Issue 029.
WORDS | Ranting Raver